Wednesday Wisdom:

Tavia Robinson

Aug 4, 20213 min read

“The more we run from conflict, The more it masters us; The more we try to avoid it, The more it controls us; The less we fear conflict, The less it confuses us; The less we deny our differences, The less they divide us.”

How do the words above resonate with you?

Pause here for a moment and free yourself from distractions:

Take a deep breath in... exhale slowly... deep breath in... exhale slowly... deep breath in... exhale slowly... calm your mind and be present...

conflict /noun/

competitive or opposing action of incompatibles : antagonistic state or action (as of divergent ideas, interests, or persons)

mental struggle resulting from incompatible or opposing needs, drives, wishes, or external or internal demands

How do you handle conflict?

Think about that for a moment...

In Conflicts, opposing parties attempt to use some form of logic to persuade the other:

Western Logic: uses facts, statistics, and evidence
Theological Logic: discusses morality, right and wrong to persuade
Eastern Logic: tend to take a stance of fate, what will be, will be

We try to impose logic and make logical sense of our feelings

Feelings are powerful things... yet we don’t do much teaching or talking about them at all. Especially on the job.

feelings /noun/

an emotional state or reaction. a belief, especially a vague or irrational one.

Psychologist and author Gay Hendricks shares this about feelings to help put things in perspective:

Feelings are fact, stand-alone realities that neither require evidence nor lend themselves to proof or debate.

The goal to strive for is to reach a place where you no longer feel the need to defend your feelings, and also reaching a place where you do not demand proof from another about the validity of what others feel.

Acknowledging ones feelings. accepting them for what they are giving others the space to do the same is freeing. It also aids in working through conflict much easier by allowing one to focus on the real issue or problem.

6 Strategies to Resolve Conflict a Work: (from entrepreneur.com)

Embrace Conflict: Deal with uncomfortable issues as soon as possible, before problems and bad feelings become embedded in everyday work. If you have a conflict with one of your employees or colleagues, address it head on and in private.
Talk Together: Set up a time and place so you can talk for an extended span without outside interruptions. Remember this is not the time to attack or assign blame. Focus on the problem, not your opinion of the other person's character.
Listen Carefully: Give your complete attention to the person talking. Do not interrupt. Rephrase and repeat back what you've heard to confirm understanding. Ask clarifying questions if needed. Listening should always be about gaining understanding. Don't let yourself become reactionary to the other person's words.
Find Agreement: Resolution is possible only when you find points of agreement. Shed light on some commonalities. Share examples or instances in which you agree with the other person or can see their point of view. Looking for agreement demonstrates your willingness to seek out common ground and build a relationship around those trust elements.
Provide Guidance: If you are in a leadership position, there are times you may need to mediate work conflict. Don't take sides, ever. You are there to help your employees work out their problems. You might need to guide the conversation, redirect the topic so that your employees return to the real problem. Your in a position to give advice on next steps. Highlight the positive aspects of the progress and suggest actions to work through moving forward.
Be quick to forgive: Every conflict needs a clear resolution that acknowledges hurt feelings and finds a solution that begins to mend them. Apologize. Tell the other person you're truly sorry for any ill words or actions, and mean it. You'll also need to forgive the other person.