"The motive behind criticism often determines its validity. Those who care criticize where necessary. Those who envy criticize the moment they think that they have found a weak spot."
-Criss Jami
How do the words above resonate with you?
Pause here and free yourself from distractions:
Take a deep breath in... exhale slowly... deep breath in... exhale slowly... deep breath in... exhale slowly... calm your mind and be present...
What has been the motive behind your criticism of others? Think about that for a moment...
No one is above criticism. Reading Iyanla Vanzant’s Until Today: Daily Devotions for Spiritual Growth and Peace of Mind, was a much needed reminder that there is a difference between constructive and destructive criticism.
constructive /adjective/
serving a useful purpose; tending to build up.
promoting improvement or development.
destructive /adjective/
causing great and irreparable harm or damage.
tending to refute or disparage; negative and unhelpful.
Vanzant explains:
Criticism, when offered with love, opens our eyes to blind spots, makes us aware of unconscious or habitual responses. Keeps us on track.
It must be from a place in you that can see the best in and want the best for someone else.
When offered this way, it becomes care-frontation and share-frontation, not confrontation.
When you use criticism as a way to make someone wrong or to prove you are right than you, my dear, are out of order!
“Criticism, like rain, should be gentle enough to nourish a man’s growth without destroying his roots.” -Frank A Clark
How do you use criticism? Think about that seriously... Dig deep and be honest with yourself...
Criticism is a two-way street. If we serve it, it is just as important the be able to be on the receiving end of people's criticism.
How to Handle Criticism Like a Pro (by Laura Schwecherl greatest.com)
The keys to successfully handling criticism are:
1. Determining its intent: Decide if feedback is constructive or destructive. Think about whether feedback is coming from someone who cares about you, references an area you want to improve in, or specifies how to get better.
2. Responding calmly: Avoid exploding in the face of constructive criticism. Even if the criticism is obviously mean-spirited, you’ll regret giving in to your anger and saying something deliberately hurtful in response. Take a breath and set emotion aside.
3. Acting on constructive criticism: If someone has given you feedback with a genuine view to helping you improve, action is key. Find out how you can learn and keep a record of criticisms within your profession or field of interest. You’re receiving cheat codes for self-improvements, and you won’t lose a thing if you use them.
4. Minimizing time with those who consistently criticize to harm you: If you notice a pattern of negative criticism happening around the same people, it may be time to cut them off. Yes, even if they’re the people closest to you. You’ll find it hard to show grace to the well-purposed criticisms when you’re letting those with bad intentions walk all over you. Flushing toxic people from your life can serve as a colonic irrigation of the soul.
“If you learn to handle and filter all types of criticism, you’ll live a happier life and get closer to your goals.” - Laura Schwecherl
Today’s Challenge: Care-front and share-front rather than confront those around you.
(Inspired by Iyanla Vanzant's book Until Today: Daily Devotions for Spiritual Growth and Peace of Mind)
Express concerns and share observations in a loving and caring way.
Offer criticism from a place in you that can see the best in and want the best for someone else.
Intentionally treat others the way you would want to be treated.
Be the change you want to see in others.
What are you willing to do?
Don’t miss your opportunity. Be intentional. Encourage others to do the same and watch what happens.
You got this!
Coach Tavia
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References:
How to Handle Criticism Like a Pro
Vanzant, Iyanla; Until Today: Daily Devotions for Spiritual Growth and Peace of Mind. Atria, New York, NY 2020.
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