“Guilt is not a response to anger, it is a response to one's own actions or lack of action.”
-Audre Lorde
How do the words above resonate with you?
Pause here and free yourself from distractions:
Take a deep breath in... exhale slowly... deep breath in... exhale slowly... deep breath in... exhale slowly... calm your mind and be present...
What are you guilty of? Sit for a moment... Don’t overthink it, what’s the first thing that’s comes to mind..?
Many of you have probably heard these phrases, perhaps even quoted them yourself; “Do the best you can, from where you are with what you have...” and, “When you know better do better.” If you agree with that philosophy, I have a question:
Why is it so easy for you to hold onto guilt? Think about that for a moment...
Reading Iyanla Vanzant this morning provided a much needed lesson reminder about guilt:
A guilty mind or heart is incredibly destructive. It damages your self-worth... it erodes your self-respect. It flows into your relationships, which makes it difficult for you to give anyone the benefit of the doubt.
When you believe you are guilty, you will re-create situations in which you will be accused.
Guilty people are defensive. Quite often they overcompensate by giving too much and saying too much. It is difficult for them to see anything good in themselves, and so they are compelled to try to do more to prove their innocence. Unfortunately, the more they do, the more guilty they feel.
Would you believe me if I told you, “You are not guilty?” Think about that for a moment before you continue reading...
Guilt Makes a Heavy Burden. Don’t Let It Drag You Down: 10 Tips to help lighten your load ( from Healthline.com)
1. Name your guilt: Like other emotions, unaddressed guilt can build and intensify, making you feel worse over time. Truly addressing guilt requires you to first accept those feelings, however unpleasant they are.
2. Explore the source: Before you can successfully navigate guilt, you need to recognize where it comes from. It’s normal to feel guilty when you know you’ve done something wrong, but guilt can also take root in response to events you didn’t have much, or anything, to do with.
3. Apologize and make amends: A sincere apology can help you begin repairing damage after a wrongdoing. By apologizing, you convey remorse and regret to the person you hurt, and let them know how you plan to avoid making the same mistake in the future. The most heartfelt apology means nothing if you never do things differently going forward.
4. Learn from the past: Before you can leave the past behind, you need to accept it. Consider what you’ve learned:
What led to the mistake? Explore triggers that prompted your action and any feelings that tipped you over the edge.
What would you do differently now?
What did your actions tell you about yourself? Do they point to any specific behaviors you can work on?
5. Practice gratitude: Instead of feeling guilty when you struggle, cultivate gratitude by:
Thanking loved ones for their kindness
Making your appreciation clear
Acknowledging any opportunities you’ve gained as a result of their support
Committing to paying this support forward once you’re on more solid ground
6. Replace negative self-talk with self-compassion: Ask yourself what you might say to a friend in a similar situation. Perhaps you’d point out good things they’ve done, remind them of their strengths, and let them know how much you value them. Reminding yourself of your worth can boost confidence, making it easier to consider situations objectively and avoid being swayed by emotional distress.
7. Remember guilt can work for you: Guilt can serve as an alarm that lets you know when you’ve made a choice that conflicts with your personal values. Put it to work. When used as a tool, guilt can cast light on areas of yourself you feel dissatisfied with. Taking action to address those circumstances can set you on a path that’s more in line with your goals.
8. Forgive yourself: Self-forgiveness involves four key steps:
Take responsibility for your actions.
Express remorse and regret without letting it transform into shame.
Commit to making amends for any harm you caused.
Practice self-acceptance and trust yourself to do better in the future.
9. Talk to people you trust: The people who care for you will generally offer kindness and compassion. And sharing unpleasant or difficult feelings often relieves tension. Outside perspective can also make a big difference, especially if you’re dealing with survivor guilt or guilt about something you had no control over.
10. Talk with a therapist: Some people find it difficult to work through feelings of guilt. When an undercurrent of misery, rumination, and regret threads through your daily interactions, keeping you from staying present with yourself and others, professional support might be a good next step. A therapist can offer guidance by helping you identify and address causes of guilt, explore effective coping skills, and develop greater self-compassion.
“Guilt isn't always a rational thing... Guilt is a weight that will crush you whether you deserve it or not.” ― Maureen Johnson, Girl at Sea
Today’s Challenge: Remove the guilt
(Inspired by Iyanla Vanzant's book Until Today...)
Acknowledge to yourself what you have done.
Make amends if possible.
Let it go! Do not beat yourself up forever...
Take advantage of the opportunity to make better choices next time.
Learn and grow!
“Be devoted to reclaiming the innocence of your heart. Acknowledge what you have done or not done, and let it go.” -Iyanla Vanzant
What are you willing to do?
Don’t miss your opportunity. Be intentional. Encourage others to do the same and watch what happens.
You got this!
Coach Tavia
#trustyourself, #learnandgrow, #bepositive, #selfawareness, #youmatter, #respectyourself, #responsibility, #commitment, #believe, #maximizeyourpotential, #honoryourself, #shareyourgifts, #seizeopportunity, #live, #becreative, #thinkforyourself, #reflect, #reach, #stretch, #bepresent, #accountability, #faith, #confidence, #ittakescourage, #dothework, #beofservice, #knowyourworth, #leadbyexample, #justdoit, #lifecoach, #leadershipcoach, #leadershipdevelopment, #letsgo
References:
Guilt Makes a Heavy Burden. Don’t Let It Drag You Down
Vanzant, Iyanla; Until Today: Daily Devotions for Spiritual Growth and Peace of Mind. Atria, New York, NY 2020.
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