“Be strong enough to stand alone, smart enough to know when you need help, and brave enough to ask for it.”
How do the words above resonate with you?
Pause here for a moment and free yourself from distractions:
Take a deep breath in... exhale slowly... deep breath in... exhale slowly... deep breath in... exhale slowly... calm your mind and be present...
Why is asking for help difficult for you? Think about that for a moment... take time... dig deep... stay right here until you come up with an answer...
This life as a human is interesting. We expect a lot from others, as we should... However we forget others are human too.
An article in Psychology Today shared these common reasons many of us are reluctant to ask for help:
1. Fear ranks number one. Fear we will be turned down, laughed at, or revealed as a fraud.
2. High Social Risk of rejection, vulnerability, diminished status, and the inherent relinquishing of control.
3. Illusion of Transparency, or the mistaken belief that our feelings, thoughts, and needs are obvious to other people. Too often, we wait for someone to notice our telepathic plea for help and inevitably get frustrated when no one does.
Reading Iyanla Vanzant this morning, one of my favorite devotionals, was a simple reminder to all, I am compelled to share: from Until Today: Daily Devotions for Spiritual Growth and Peace of Mind.
If I don’t ask for what I need, the need will keep getting bigger!
HELP!
Today I am devoted to asking for and receiving what I need!
What do you need help with? Be honest with yourself...
Asking for help is not always easy for us humans. The article below shares 4 tips that may help.
4 Tips to Effectively Ask for Help—and Get a Yes
by Jeffery Davis M.A. psychologytoday.com
1. Be concise and specific: Communicate your request as clearly and concisely as possible. There is no need to over-explain: simply describe what the task is, why it matters, and how the person you’re asking can contribute. Be as specific as possible so they know exactly what it is they will need to do and can accurately judge how much time and energy the task will take.
2. Don’t apologize: We all need help sometimes and it's nothing to be ashamed of. Apologizing makes it seem like you’re doing something wrong by asking and casts the task at hand in a negative light. Don’t minimize your need with phrases like “I hate to ask...” or “It’s just a small thing.” This suggests that their assistance is trivial and takes the joyous sense of accomplishment out of helping. After all, how am I supposed to feel if you “hate to ask” for my assistance? Similarly, don’t ask them to do you a favor. This can make people feel obliged to say yes.
3. Make it personal, not transactional: Attempt to speak face to face or call. Studies show that face-to-face requests are 34 times more successful. Make your request more personal by explaining why the person’s skills or expertise make them uniquely suited to this task. This casts them as a helpful person and not just another person you can resort to for help. Finally, don’t emphasize reciprocity. While we tend to think that sweetening the deal with the promise of a returned favor is a good strategy, this kind of language makes your request feel transactional. People don’t like feeling indebted to others, and others are more likely to help you if you show genuine appreciation for their aid rather than assign their efforts a monetary value.
4. Follow up with results: Beyond expressing your gratitude, you should follow up with the helper to share the tangible results of their aid. As much as we’d like to think that acts of generosity are their own reward, the reality is that people long to feel effective. We want to feel that the work we do and the help we give matters. Take the time to show the people who help you why their support not only matters to you, but how it makes a larger impact on your life, work, or community.
There are more people than you think who are eager to lend a hand. Use these suggestions to ask in a way that empowers you and the person you’re asking to reap the rewards of generosity and collaboration.
“Asking for help is never a sign of weakness. It’s one of the bravest things you can do. And it can save your life.” – Lily Collins
What are you willing to do?
Don’t miss your opportunity! Be intentional, encourage others to do the same and watch what happens.
You got this!
Coach Tavia
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References:
4 Tips to Effectively Ask for Help—and Get a Yes
Vanzant, Iyanla; Until Today: Daily Devotions for Spiritual Growth and Peace of Mind. Atria, New York, NY 2020.
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