“Sometimes we need someone to simply be there… Not to fix anything or do anything in particular, but just to let us feel we are supported and cared about.”
-Anonymous
How do the words above resonate with you?
Pause here for a moment and free yourself from distractions:
Take a deep breath in... exhale slowly... deep breath in... exhale slowly... deep breath in... exhale slowly... calm your mind and be present...
Are you a fixer or a supporter? Think about that for a moment...
Fix verses support, is something to think about.
fix /verb/
to repair; mend
to correct or set right; adjust
support /verb/
give approval comfort or encouragement to.
Who have you been trying to fix? Dig deep here... Is it possible you are projecting..?
Reading Iyanla Vanzant’s book, Acts of Faith, inspired today’s reflection. Vanzant’s perspective is food for thought:
Our task in our relationships is not to fix one another. Our job is to love what we see and support one another in doing better.
Supporting is allowing us to make our own choices, being there if things go wrong, and supporting us in doing better next time.
Supporting is sharing with us their needs and trusting we will take them into account.
Supporting is nurturing.
Supporting is knowing things will get better.
Supporting is seeing us exactly as we are.
Today’s Affirmation: I will love and support you exactly as you are.
For some tools to consider, take a look at the strategies below.
How to show up for a friend without trying to fix their problems, according to a therapist: by Raven Ishake , hellogiggles.com
1. Listen and mirror their actions: Mirroring' or 'reflective listening' is helpful in reducing 'fixing' tendencies while also showing attentive, compassionate listening.
2. Validate their emotions: Most people just want to feel like their emotions are valid. One of the easiest ways to confirm someone's feelings is by simply telling them you think they're right in feeling that way (if you truly believe it). Validation.
3. Partake in activities they’re interested in: Words of advice might not be comforting when emotion are running high. Consider finding a way to physically be there instead.
Going on a long walk, a hike, going to a movie, or sharing an evening of cooking together, the connection and comfort that arises from time together can be incredibly cathartic and supportive.
4. Inquire about their needs and wants: You can offer a helping hand by asking, "How can I help?" or "What can I do to make you feel better at this moment?" These questions allow your love one time to examine their feelings introspectively, which can not only make you aware of their needs but can provide them with a clear answer about how they can solve their own issue.
5. Create a collage of emotions: There is incredible cathartic energy to be found by cutting out magazine pictures and words and pasting them on a poster board. As the meaning of the finished products are shared, a great deal of understanding, connection, and compassionate energy can arise.
6. Ask if they would like your opinion before you give it: The best time to offer help to someone is when you notice they are struggling or when they ask for support—whichever comes first. Helping someone does not mean that you need to fix their situation. Sometimes the best form of help is to offer support and gentle guidance that encourages the growth of personal insight, awareness, and problem-solving skills.
7. Offer professional help: While you can physically and emotionally be there for your friend, you may not be the best person to help with their situation at this time. Depending on the situation, suggesting a Therapists, support group, or other mental health service may be warranted. Offering to accompany the friend to an initial session is a wonderful way to show support.
Use your best judgment and remember: It's not your job to have the right answer.
“Be someone’s security blanket when theirs is in the was”
-Richelle E. Goodrich
Today’s Challenge: Show your support!
1. How can you do to encourage a friend or family member today?
2. What action can you take to show your support?
Don’t miss your opportunity! Be intentional, encourage others to do the same and watch what happens.
You got this!
Coach Tavia
#besupportive, #beabetteryou, #learnandgrow, #responsibility, #accountability, #youmatter, #honoryourself, #live, #ownyourpower, #ittakescourage, #commitment, #thinkforyourself, #believe, #trustyourself, #beconsistent, #selfawareness, #selfdiscovery, #maximizeyourpotential, #shareyourgifts, #seizeopportunity, #becreative, #reflect, #reach, #stretch, #bepresent, #faith, #confidence, #dothework, #leadbyexample, #justdoit, #lifecoach, #leadershipcoach, #leadershipdevelopment
References:
Are You Supporting Someone or Fixing Them?
How to show up for a friend without trying to fix their problems, according to a therapist
Vanzant, Iyanla; Acts of Faith: Daily Meditations for People of Color. Atria, New York, NY 2020
Comments