“If you spend your time hoping someone will suffer the consequences for what they did to your heart, then you're allowing them to hurt you a second time in your mind.”
-Shannon L. Alder
How do the words above resonate with you?
Pause here for a moment and free yourself from distractions:
Take a deep breath in... exhale slowly... deep breath in... exhale slowly... deep breath in... exhale slowly... calm your mind and be present...
Today’s focus is on anger and hurt.
Who is your anger really directed toward? Think about that for a moment...
Vanzant offers this perspective:
When you get hurt you get angry. You believe that the anger is directed outward, toward the person who hurt you...
Anger as a response to hurt is always directed inward. You are angry that you: trusted someone, loved too much, cared too much...
Being hurt is a sign that there is something that required your attention.
Being hurt is a sign you have been engaging in a pattern of behavior that no longer serves who you are.
Learning to Let Go of Past Hurts: 5 Ways to Move On
(by John M. Grohol, psychcentral.com)
1. Make the decision to let it go: Making the conscious decision to let it go means accepting you have a choice to let it go. To stop reliving the past pain, to stop going over the details of the story in your head every time you think of the other person. This is empowering to most people, knowing that it is their choice to either hold on to the pain, or to live a future life without it.
2. Express your pain — and your responsibility: Express the pain the hurt made you feel, whether it’s directly to the other person, or through just getting it out of your system (like venting to a friend, or writing in a journal, or writing a letter you never send to the other person). Get it all out of your system at once. Doing so will also help you understand what — specifically — your hurt is about.
3. Stop being the victim and blaming others: In every moment, you have that choice — to continue to feel bad about another person’s actions, or to start feeling good. You need to take responsibility for your own happiness, and not put such power into the hands of another person.
4. Focus on the present — the here and now — and joy: Let go of the past, and stop reliving it. When you focus on the here and now, you have less time to think about the past. When the past memories creep into your consciousness, acknowledge them for a moment. Then, bring yourself gently back into the present moment.
5. Forgive them — and yourself: Forgiveness isn’t saying, I agree with what you did, or a sign of weakness. Forgiveness is a way of tangibly letting something go. And forgiving yourself is an important part of this step as sometimes we may end up blaming ourselves for the situation or hurt. There’s no reason you need to keep beating yourself up over it. If you can’t forgive yourself, how will you be able to live in future peace and happiness?
“Letting go gives us freedom, and freedom is the only condition for happiness. If, in our heart, we still cling to anything - anger, anxiety, or possessions - we cannot be free.”
-Thich Nhat Hanh
Today’s Challenge: Self-reflect
Stop being angry long enough to examine your own heart and mind.
Look beneath the anger to find the hurt that you have buried to avoid dealing with it.
Review steps 1-5 above and make a conscious effort to finally let it go.
“I will know peace when I examine what I feel beneath what I am feeling.” -Iyanla Vanzant
What are you willing to do to live a more peaceful existence?
Don’t miss your opportunity. Be intentional. Encourage others to do the same and watch what happens.
You got this!
Coach Tavia
#letitgo, #seizeopportunity, #nomoreexcuses, #faceyourfears, #live, #becreative, #thinkforyourself, #reflect, #reach, #stretch, #bepositive, #honoryourself, #responsibility, #bepresent, #learnandgrow, #accountability, #faith, #confidence, #believe, #ittakescourage, #focus, #shift, #trustyourself, #dothework, #shareyourgifts, #beofservice, #releaseyourpower, #knowyourworth, #leadbyexample, #justdoit, #lifecoach, #leadershipcoach, #leadershipdevelopment, #letsgo
References:
Learning to Let Go of Past Hurts: 5 Ways to Move On
Vanzant, Iyanla; Until Today: Daily Devotions for Spiritual Growth and Peace of Mind. Atria, New York, NY 2020.
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