“The more we run from conflict, The more it masters us; The more we try to avoid it, The more it controls us; The less we fear conflict, The less it confuses us; The less we deny our differences, The less they divide us.”
How do the words above resonate with you?
Pause here for a moment and free yourself from distractions:
Take a deep breath in... exhale slowly... deep breath in... exhale slowly... deep breath in... exhale slowly... calm your mind and be present...
How do you deal with conflict?
... think about that for a moment... are you a runner, avoid-er...
How do you feel about conflict?
... does it frighten you... confuse you... are you comfortable... indifferent
What is conflict?
...define conflict in your own words...
conflict | noun a serious disagreement or argument, typically a protracted one.
-competitive or opposing action of incompatibles : antagonistic state or action (as of divergent ideas, interests, or persons)
-mental struggle resulting from incompatible or opposing needs, drives, wishes, or external or internal demands
Would you believe me if I told you conflict was not a bad thing? We often avoid conflict, and even refuse to give any energy to dealing with it. Shift your mindset for a minute. Conflict. Its actually quite helpful if you look at conflict as an opportunity.
Gay Hendricks teaches the core ingredient in the mastery of conflict is wonder not judgement: To wonder about your own responsibility allows you to move forward in any relationship.
wonder | noun a feeling of surprise mingled with admiration, caused by something beautiful, unexpected, unfamiliar, or inexplicable.
It is suggested that when you are faced with a problem or conflict to go through these three steps as quickly as possible:
1. Take ownership of the issue itself: “I claim full responsibility for creating this situation.”
-This puts you in the power position
2. Take ownership of the (unconscious) intention that’s working: “I must have a need to create an argument with you right now.”
3. Take ownership of the solution: “I take responsibility for creating a favorable outcome.”
Do not under any circumstances let the other person’s reaction dictate how you proceed.
"Transformation comes more from pursuing profound questions than seeking profound answers."
Today’s Challenge: Commit to mastering conflict though wonder and ownership:
Face your fears, don’t allow conflict to control you... refuse to be a victim of conflict.
Reflect over some experiences in your life, both positive and negative where you faced some conflict:
*How long did it take you to claim full responsibility for creating the experience?
Ask yourself: I wonder what I was gaining from not taking responsibility.. what was I missing,,,
*What experiences have you still not claimed ownership of?
Think about that for a moment... spend some time here...
*What are you waiting for?
Ask yourself: I wonder what I am afraid of... I wonder what will happen
Use the 3 step process above as your guide.
Pause for a moment to cultivate a feeling of genuine appreciation for the other person.
Use your genuine feelings as a lead-in to whatever you need to discuss.
"A pessimist sees difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees opportunity in every difficulty."
How will you work towards self mastery when you are faced with conflict?
What are you willing to do?
Don’t miss your opportunity! Be intentional, encourage others to do the same and watch what happens.
You got this!
Coach Tavia
Reference:
*Gay Hendricks, A year of Living Consciously: 365 Daily Inspirations for creating a life of passion and purpose.
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